We cannot be free if we don't know what's holding us, containing us, or chaining our feet to the ground. We cannot be free if we don't recognize the voices that we mistake for reality. It's easy to mistake the way that we think about things, even the way that we experience things, for the … Continue reading Enough Already
Something has been off between me and a person I love. I don't know that the feeling is mutual. It could be all me. But sometimes I feel my heart hardening, and I don't know why. The other day, I sat down to spend some time in quiet. Unease toward this loved one surfaced. "What … Continue reading Changing the Rhythm of Seeing Another
How can I feed my soul? What does my soul need? What wakes me up, the deep-down waking up? What makes me come alive, really alive? What opens up my heart? What prepares me for Presence?
You're fired. Both of you. Disappointed God voice and unrelenting critic. You may both go because you are not real, and you are not speaking truth or life. You make me wilt, shrivel up, and hide. Now, maybe a disappointed, angry God can transform your heart and mind and life into something beautiful. You and I may be very different, and that is okay. Shame, fear, and guilt--whether God-induced or critic-induced--don't breathe life into my soul. They might influence my behavior for a while, but shame, guilt, and fear are not transforming me or healing me.
As I puttered around in that old flannel shirt, I thought back to who I was 20 years ago. 20 years ago, I was full of ideas and passion and ideals. The future was wide open. I had a plan and knew what I was going to be when I grew up. The plan was lost a long time ago and replaced with a new plan, which was also lost. Now I don't have a plan. The future is still wide open. This is both exhilarating and embarrassing. I'm letting go of the embarrassed. I am thankful that I am still becoming.
What am I here for today? Sometimes I wake up with that prayer on my heart. It's a prayer I would like to wake up with every day. What am I here for today? This morning, an answer came to me: You are not here to wash the floors, to fold the laundry, or to … Continue reading What am I here for today?
One of my most profound "God-moments" came at a time when I wasn't in the habit of noticing God's voice. I was in church. Uncomfortable in my huge questions. A stress-ball. Feeling lost and inadequate. All of a sudden, the words of Ani DiFranco's song "As Is" came singing through my mind. And I've got … Continue reading As Is
Tears have always made me uncomfortable. Especially my own. Signs of weakness or weirdness depending upon the situation. Brush them away. Hold them back. I've hated the feeling of not being in control--of my heart, mind, or emotions. And these sneaky, salty drops escaping from my eyes are tell-tale giveaways. They won't be stopped. This … Continue reading Listening to Tears
Jessica Sanborn 